[Puck gives the marionette one last glance before he also stands, fingers dipping into his pockets. Smith knows him far to well, to let him go through with this. it's much preferable to whatever stupid thing he'd do in its place to keep things even between them]
[. . . to make it clear that he doesn't intend to snap the fragile thread of trust he has been given]
[the walk to Anzen is strangely quiet. Puck doesn't speak or even look in Smith's direction until they have entered the dorm, tilting his head towards the couch in the common area]
[he does still have the Tarot book with him and holds it in both hands for a moment.]
Before that.
I should be clear.
I have many names. And any one of them could be used in the ways in which we were warned, but... this one, obviously, is not either of the ones I was born with.
If you're considering saying something... if you have any other aliases or the like, then that should be a fair enough trade.
[Puck reaches out, resting his palms across the backs of Smiths' hands, so they're both holding the book now. he makes sure to meet the other's gaze steadily, resolve steeling his expression. it doesn't matter how many aliases Smith may have. . . because there is no way he guided Puck towards this book without knowing he'd walk away from the conversation having learned at least one.]
. . . Makoto.
[he eventually says. firm, but even]
Edamura Makoto.
[funny, how he usually introduces himself to others with his family name first, as is custom for his culture. and yet right now, in this moment, it's his given name he emphasizes]
[the thing of it is--the thing of it is... he did ask Puck once about how it would feel to never hear his own name, just the one he was made to go with out of necessity. and it's because he understood that feeling only too well.
truly, The Fool is a fool because even if he anticipated some of this, directed it even to a degree, he severely underestimated his own want to just yell out a name only known to others in a dream now.
[after two months of Puck, it's almost a little jarring to hear the name "Makoto" again. especially when spoken from the mouth of someone who had only known him as Puck up until this very moment. it's. . .]
[. . .]
[. . . it's a little warm, he thinks]
[he gives Smith's hands a tight squeeze before finally drawing back, fingers sneaking back into his pockets. his smile is soft]
[. . . so confusing, he thinks. and yet. . . it also makes sense. perhaps Edamura doesn't associate the shards of his multi-faceted self with different names like Smith does. but he is still an individual with many faces, isn't he? there is a piece of him that is honest and genuine, and a piece of him that tricks and lies. another piece that would never hurt or kill. . . and yet, some piece still pulled the trigger on his father. as Raven had so dutifully reminded him in the wake of their "test of courage". . .]
[he would not be himself without a single one of those fragments]
[. . .]
Is there anything that does encompass "all of you?" Miskatonic Smith, Arkham Raven, and every single thing in between?
And choosing the right name... or even the right face, to encompass something like the Lord of Mysteries when there's still some unsettled areas... of course it is something that will take time.
[he is. going to sit on the couch now, setting the book down in his lap]
The origins of it. The reason why I said the Tarot was retro-fitted to it.
It's because... the 22 Pathways are all... just pieces of the Primordial God who created everything. There is also something called the Convergence of Characteristics. These pieces are constantly seeking ways to come together, in other words.
The higher one goes, the more they have to contend with the consciousness of that being.
The Lord of Mysteries, along with The God Almighty and The Mother Goddess of Depravity, are not just Pillars, but the first two are halves of that original being. So their influences and consciousnesses are much more pronounced.
When I ascended to Lord of Mysteries... I had to take time to ensure my humanity wasn't completely overrun immediately. The Evernight Goddess and a few others... my Tarot Club... they helped with that.
That is also why... you must not conflate the two faces. But at the same time, they are both "me". The one with that title of Lord of Mysteries.
[... that is probably a lot to take in, so. just. letting Makoto process this now.]
[plops onto the couch right next to Smith, slumping back against the cushions. it takes him a few long moments of silence to process all of this, and when he is finished. . . for once, he doesn't have any follow up questions]
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on the one side, unsure it's actually a good idea to trust him with a name?
on the other side, he has said he prefers fair trade and Puck is more likely to do something foolish to make it even.
...
let's out a sigh and stands. gonna leave the marionette here for the time being. that should be fine.]
Alright.
no subject
[. . . to make it clear that he doesn't intend to snap the fragile thread of trust he has been given]
[the walk to Anzen is strangely quiet. Puck doesn't speak or even look in Smith's direction until they have entered the dorm, tilting his head towards the couch in the common area]
Want a seat?
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Before that.
I should be clear.
I have many names. And any one of them could be used in the ways in which we were warned, but... this one, obviously, is not either of the ones I was born with.
If you're considering saying something... if you have any other aliases or the like, then that should be a fair enough trade.
no subject
[Puck reaches out, resting his palms across the backs of Smiths' hands, so they're both holding the book now. he makes sure to meet the other's gaze steadily, resolve steeling his expression. it doesn't matter how many aliases Smith may have. . . because there is no way he guided Puck towards this book without knowing he'd walk away from the conversation having learned at least one.]
. . . Makoto.
[he eventually says. firm, but even]
Edamura Makoto.
[funny, how he usually introduces himself to others with his family name first, as is custom for his culture. and yet right now, in this moment, it's his given name he emphasizes]
no subject
truly, The Fool is a fool because even if he anticipated some of this, directed it even to a degree, he severely underestimated his own want to just yell out a name only known to others in a dream now.
he just. tightens his hold on the book.
and smiles, a little helpless.]
Well met, Makoto.
no subject
[after two months of Puck, it's almost a little jarring to hear the name "Makoto" again. especially when spoken from the mouth of someone who had only known him as Puck up until this very moment. it's. . .]
[. . .]
[. . . it's a little warm, he thinks]
[he gives Smith's hands a tight squeeze before finally drawing back, fingers sneaking back into his pockets. his smile is soft]
Yeah.
Well met.
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... at least, if anything, you have gotten the most accurate way to call this face.
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Really?
I'd have thought your— human? Your human name would be more accurate.
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There are three factors that play into this.
There is the me who was born in China.
But there is also the me who was born in the Loen Kingdom.
They both have different names.
But they can't be separated anymore.
To call for one and not the other wouldn't be accurate anymore.
no subject
So the name that encompasses both is the most true.
[. . .]
How does that make you feel?
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And I answered that it was between two faces.
That's this one. And Arkham Raven.
So even "The Fool" only can apply to this face.
And it's not strictly "all of me", since that would also include Arkham Raven.
no subject
[he would not be himself without a single one of those fragments]
[. . .]
Is there anything that does encompass "all of you?" Miskatonic Smith, Arkham Raven, and every single thing in between?
no subject
and Makoto hasn't asked after the third component... but it is included in this answer.]
There is a certain title. "Lord".
But more importantly, it is what that title presides over.
Mysteries.
[Lord of Mysteries, that is.]
But nothing that can be said in this place. I haven't... found anything suitable.
no subject
[he doesn't, if only because there is a more important sentiment for him to express, here]
. . . just because you haven't found it yet doesn't mean you never will.
I mean. . . if you want to, that is.
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To get to this point was already a struggle, so. I've been taking my time with it.
Is the current arrangement no good?
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It's fine, actually. Especially if you like it.
You don't have to rush into anything that doesn't feel right, Smith.
no subject
And choosing the right name... or even the right face, to encompass something like the Lord of Mysteries when there's still some unsettled areas... of course it is something that will take time.
no subject
Who is the "Lord of Mysteries" supposed to be, anyway?
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The "what" is easier to explain.
That role as a Pillar, as a Great Old One of the gods, as the Dominator of Spiritual Worlds... that is the Lord of Mysteries.
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[that is how he is understanding it]
And you're vying for that title?
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[... but there is a pause.
a hesitation.]
There is an aspect of the Pathways that I haven't explained as clearly.
no subject
[. . . perhaps Smith will answer that question shortly]
Yeah? What aspect?
LOTM SPOILERS LOLOL
The origins of it. The reason why I said the Tarot was retro-fitted to it.
It's because... the 22 Pathways are all... just pieces of the Primordial God who created everything. There is also something called the Convergence of Characteristics. These pieces are constantly seeking ways to come together, in other words.
The higher one goes, the more they have to contend with the consciousness of that being.
The Lord of Mysteries, along with The God Almighty and The Mother Goddess of Depravity, are not just Pillars, but the first two are halves of that original being. So their influences and consciousnesses are much more pronounced.
When I ascended to Lord of Mysteries... I had to take time to ensure my humanity wasn't completely overrun immediately. The Evernight Goddess and a few others... my Tarot Club... they helped with that.
That is also why... you must not conflate the two faces. But at the same time, they are both "me". The one with that title of Lord of Mysteries.
[... that is probably a lot to take in, so. just. letting Makoto process this now.]
no subject
[just some cheeky commentary]
Dude. . . that's so much responsibility.
You really need a vacation.
[can gods take vacations]
no subject
so he mostly.
sinks back against the couch.]
I would love to have a vacation, in fact.
With good food.
[LET HIM. BE LAZY.]
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